


Touch

by E_sha



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Depression, F/F, Grieving, In my world Allison and Lydia went to Paris together, Nightmares, Romance, Season 3 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 16:31:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_sha/pseuds/E_sha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feel? She doesn't feel anything anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Touch

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song "Touch" by Daughter. Trigger Warning for depression and violence.

Cold and desolate.

It feels like a block of ice has surrounded itself around her heart and she doesn’t know how to make the ice melt.

It tugs at her heart and makes her feel….

Feel?

She doesn’t feel anything anymore.

She knows that with everything going on in her life, that she should feel something. Instead, it’s like her emotional state has fallen off of a cliff and all that’s left is a void of nothingness.

Deaton said a darkness would be around her heart. She just never imagined how much it would affect her mental state.

The ice twists her insides and she wonders if there is anything worse that can happen.

That night is when the nightmares begin.

They always have something to do with her Aunt Kate or her mom.

After everything that has happened, Allison still misses Kate.

 She blames herself for never telling her mother that she loved her the day that she died. When she starts to think about it, she remembers how distressed her mother looked and kicks herself willing to go back to that just to ask what was wrong. She knew that her mother taking her own life was a bunch of bull. Just as much as Gerard wanted to “teach” her the "true"Argent code was a ploy to manipulate her into trying to kill her friends.

-

Allison gets so little sleep that she’s started sleeping in class.

One day she wakes up in the middle of Physics screaming at the top of her lungs. The teacher stops her lecture and everyone in class is now facing her. She gives an embarrassed “I’m sorry”, before gathering her things and running out of the classroom to the girls room.

She doesn’t notice Lydia looking after her and leaving her seat as well.

-

She locks the stall door and cries.

She cries for her Aunt, not knowing why, but that’s who she sees first. Her throat slit with Peter’s smug grin smiling above her corpse.

She tries to picture her mother staving off the wolf on a full moon and thrusting a blade into her abdomen. Her father crying as he guides the blade into her organs.

Her father.

He’s a good man and he didn’t deserve to lose any members of his family. He tries to put on a brave face, but she knows that he’s just trying to be strong for her.

She cries harder.

Why can’t the tears and the sorrow just stop.

It’s like a snowball of horrible emotions.

She’s sad, but she wants to hit something.

So she does. She chokes a sob and through a watery haze, balls her right hand into a fist and punches the metal of the stall.

The first time her fist impacts the metal, she feels nothing.

She lets out a frustrated scream and hits the stall harder.

Still feeling nothing she keeps hitting the stall walls over and over again, switching hands. Wanting to feel pain. Wanting to feel anything at all.

“Allison?” A voice breaks the brunette out of her haze.

She sniffs, wipes her nose and eyes with tissues before answering.

“I’m in here.” She replies steadying her voice.

Heels click on the floor before they reach the front of her stall. “Are you gonna open the door or do I have to be invited in like Angel or something?” Lydia asks unimpressed.

Unlocking the stall door, Allison sets herself back on the toilet seat.

Upon entering the stall, Lydia notices a few dents and smears of blood on the wall to her left. She finds the source of the dents and blood when she sees the older girl shift uncomfortably in front of her trying to hide her hands in the hem of her shirt.

“Oh my god! Allison what did you do to yourself?” she asks rushing to kneel in front of the brunette and inspect her hands. Her right was the most damaged. There were cuts all over her knuckles and blood dripping down her arm. Her left hand was almost in the same state, but it looks like she stopped earlier with that hand.

Tears were threatening to fall from Allison’s eyes, but she answered anyway. “I just wanted to feel something. Lyds, I can’t feel anything. I just wanted to feel something.” She’s crying again. This time Lydia gathers her in her arms as she cries.

The redhead runs her fingers through Allison’s hair comfortingly. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here.”

They stay like that until a Freshman walks into the bathroom and sends them both disapproving looks.

“Do you mind? This bathroom is closed. Go use the one down stairs.” Lydia says staring daggers into the young girl. The other girl looks like she wants to say something, but leaves anyway.

The shorter girl turns back to the older girl in her arms. Allison’s sobs have subsided, but tears are still running freely from her tear ducts.

“Don’t let me be like them, Lyds, please.” She says after a while.

The other girl wants to ask who, but she already knows. Allison hasn’t grieved properly for her mother and her aunt. She started noticing the brunette’s off behavior during the summer. The brunette didn’t take joy in any of their activities in Paris and she knew that something other than her recent break up was to blame.

It didn’t help that Allison, along with Scott and Stiles sacrificed themselves for their parents and died. Even if it was for 16 hours, dying mystically and coming back to life has severe repercussions.

Lydia’s eyes water a bit, but she replies not letting her feelings betray her. “I won’t, Alli. I won’t let you be like them.” She kisses the top of Allison’s head and stands with her arm stretched for her to take. “Now let’s go get your hands looked at. I can’t have you running around here with your hands messed up. Although, you have magnificent qualities, your hands are really talented love.” She says giving a sweet smile at the end of her sentence.

Allison takes Lydia’s hand. They leave the bathroom. For the first time in months she feels the ice surrounding her heart melt. It was a start, but she thinks that she felt something warm tugging at the ice.

Looking at the other girl beside her, she smiles at the tentative way that Lydia rubs her thumb over her hand. Words were never said about their relationship, but Allison knows that the redhead just declared her love for her in the smallest of ways.

The brunette lifts their joined hands and kisses Lydia’s hand as well as her knuckles. They share a small smile and leave the building behind them.

It was a small start, but Allison could see something other than darkness for the first time in four months. 


End file.
